The Truth About True Love
The desire for true love is so profound a need, the satisfaction or deprivation thereof has the power, for better or worse, to fuel the entire world.
Everyone would probably agree that true love is unconditional and lasting, giving and accepting. This seems though to describe dogs and babies more than it reflects the idea of true love we are conditioned to seek.
In the search for a mate, there are criteria. “Mr. Right” is tall, dark, handsome and rich, (or some variation thereof) and the “perfect woman” is beautiful, smart and sexy, but not too much. On top of that, true love in our society implies that “true” means singular and romantic, and that finding it equates with living “happily every after.” Once. No wonder finding love can be so difficult. The definition itself is everything love isn't - unforgiving, narrow, limited.
We are told what love is and what it should “look like.” But love-as-marriage is a model, not an understanding, and one that has proven its flaws. This is because it is a manmade social construct, that upon its creation, had nothing to do with love. It was designed to establish position, ensure control and create hierarchy – by men. But the desire for love changed that. We evolved, and in the process, marriage became a fantasy-based proposition. We bought into an ideal because it repositioned marriage as a promise to deliver love forever, which we know to be true only a fraction of the time. If you'd like to read an interesting account of the historical hallmarks of marriage that starts with an analysis that dates all the way back to biblical text, read, I Don’t, by Susan Squire.
So, in search for true love, while we may or may not find everything (or anything) on our "checklist," marriage or not, at our core, we want to be loved for who we are. However, in order for that to be possible, personal truths - what we hide underneath the person we create to survive (and succeed) in the world - need to be made available to share with whomever we want to exchange love. Eventually, then, the inner person, the true person is free to emerge. And when you find someone who loves you for that, that’s true love.
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